Cerita Lucu: dari Mukidi, Humor Gusdur, sampai Nguping Jakarta

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Does the school offer multiple course formats so that students have the option to start several times a year and/or to choose between classes of varying lengths? But don’t worry – we still considered graduation rate and tuition costs as well! We hope this has been helpful in providing information about fast online degrees from accredited colleges. There are many fast online degree programs available, and we encourage you to do a broad search to find the program that’s best for you. THIS CONCLUDES OUR RANKING OF THE BEST VALUES IN FAST ONLINE DEGREES. Sources: College Navigator By CVO Staff Published March 2016 https://www.collegevaluesonline.com/rankings/fast-online-degrees-best-values/

Cerita Lucu Mukidi

Nama Mukidi mendadak ramai diperbincangkan di mana-mana. Di media sosial, grup perbincangan pada aplikasi pesan instan, nama Mukidi tercetus. Siapa sebenarnya Mukidi?

Jika ditelisik, Mukidi hanyalah sosok fiktif belaka. Ia tak ubahnya seperti Abunawas dalam kisah 1001 Malam. Perannya juga tidak begitu jelas. Berbeda dengan Abunawas, ia bisa menjadi anak kecil, orang dewasa, kakek-kakek, orang Jakarta, orang Jawa, orang Madura, siapa saja. Pokoknya, asal bisa membuat orang tertawa.

Malignant peritoneal mesothelioma is a rare type of mesothelioma which attacks the lining of abdomen also known as peritoneum. Malignant peritoneal mesothelioma (MPM) is a universally fatal disease affecting 20% to 30% of the mesothelioma cases. It's was first described by Miller and Wynn in the year 1908. According to the statistics, in the past two decades, the incidence of malignant peritoneal mesothelioma cancer has increased. Peritoneal mesothelioma affects the lining of the abdomen also known as peritoneum. The location of malignant cell is human's abdominal lining and because of that, MPM can sometimes known as abdominal mesothelioma. However, most common term used to describe this type of cancer is peritoneal mesothelioma. The main cause of MPM in humans is asbestos. Asbestos typically is the one of most commonly roofing materials since it is not only cheaper but is easy to fix on a roof. Asbestos exposure contributed to almost 70 to 80 percent of mesothelioma lung cancer. Humans come into contact with asbestos when they swallow or inhale the fibers. Asbestos inhalation may increase risk to develop asbestos related diseases, most importantly mesothelioma. Asbestos was completely banned in UK since it was recognized to be a serious health hazard, and it is now responsible for about 4000 deaths each year and many cases of serious disease. The people at increase risk of developing health asbestos related disease are those whose work brings them into direct contact with asbestos such as builders, heating engineers, roofers and demolition workers. In addition to mesothelioma, asbestos exposure will increase the risk of other health problems such as lung cancer, asbestosis (chronic lung ailment) and other type of cancer such as larynx and kidney cancer. Symptoms of Malignant Peritoneal Mesothelioma It can takes such a long time for cancer to develop the symptoms and sometimes may take up to 30 years, between exposure to asbestos and the start of the disease. Most common symptoms of the disease are abdominal pain, abdominal swelling, abnormal weight loss, anemia, easy fatigue, nausea and vomiting. Abdominal pain and swelling result from fluid accumulation in the abdominal cavity. Other than that, people can easily get fever when the disease starts to shows its symptoms. Among the symptoms stated above, abdominal pain is the most common reported initial symptoms of MPM. Unexplained night sweats and blood coagulation problems are less frequent symptoms occurring when the cancer develops. If the cancer cells spread to the other part of the body, the symptoms may lead to trouble swallowing or swelling of the neck and face. Diagnosis of Abdominal Mesothelioma It is very difficult to diagnose peritoneal mesothelioma since there is no defined system so far that can differentiate the stages of the development of cancerous tumor cells. If required, TNM staging system normally used to detect the cancer in stages. Other than that, Serum mesothelin-related protein (SMRP) may be a potentially useful serum marker used to diagnose and to follow-up the cancer progression. Computer tomography (CT) findings may be a useful tool in detection and characterization of peritoneal mass. Malignant Peritoneal Mesothelioma is a deadly neoplasm. MPM's diagnosis is difficult to perform since the symptoms will take a long time to show up. Early detection is the key in peritoneal mesothelioma treatment since the cancer cell normally spread very fast. Peritoneal Mesothelioma can be regarded as a very dangerous cancer among other cancer.However we can prevent this problems from occur to you and your family. As i said before, early detection is the key of peritoneal mesothelioma treatment [http://peritonealmesotheliomatreatment.com/] success since the cancer cell spread very fast. Get your free update's information about mesothelioma especially mesothelioma treatment by click > mesothelioma [http://mesotheliomatreatmentnews.com/] Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Lan_Sipenyair/912820 Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6234654

Cerita Mukidi bermula dari blog Ceritamukidi. Di sana tertulis kalau Mukidi punya istri bernama Markonah, dua orang anak bernama Mukirin dan Mukiran, serta punya sahabat bernama Wakijan. Tidak jelas siapa yang menulis kisah Mukidi di blog tersebut yang kemudian tersebar di mana-mana. Yang pasti, dia berhasil membuat banyak orang tertawa dengan kisahnya.

Berikut beberapa di antara kisahnya yang diambil dari blog tersebut.



Jarum jam sudah menunjukkan pukul 07.00. Bel sekolah berbunyi dan para siswa pun langsung berlarian memasuki kelasnya masing-masing. Termasuk Mukidi. Mukidi memang sangat dikenal oleh para guru di sekolah itu. Anaknya sih enggak bandel-bandel amat. Namun dia sangat populer sebagai anak yang nyebelin banget.

Siang itu Mukidi duduk di paling depan. Karena salah satu bangku teman yang ada di depan tidak masuk. Maka dari itu Mukidi berniat duduk di paling depan. Kebetulan pelajaran hari itu adalah pelajaran Bahasa Indonesia. Ini adalah mata pelajaran yang paling disukai oleh Mukidi. Nah pada kesempatan itu, Guru Mukidi berkeinginan untuk membuat tebak-tebakan nama hewan. Berikut dialognya

Guru: “Anak-anak, apa nama binatang yang dimulai dengan huruf G ?”.

Mukidi berdiri dan menjawab: “Gajah, bu guru !”

Guru: “Bagus, pertanyaan berikutnya. Apa nama binatang yang dimulai dengan huruf ‘D’ ?”

Semua murid diam, tapi Mukidi kembali berdiri: “Dua gajah, Bu Guru…”

….gerrr sekelas

Guru: “Mukidi, kamu berdiri di pojok sana !

Ayo anak-anak kita lanjutkan. Pertanyaan berikut, binatang apa yang dimulai dengan huruf “M”?

Semua murid diam.

Tapi lagi-lagi Mukidi menjawab dengan tenang, “Mungkin Gajah…”

Guru: “Mukidi, kamu keluar dan berdiri di depan pintu !”

Mukidi keluar dengan suuedihhh. Guru melanjutkan.

Guru: “Pertanyaan terakhir. Anak-anak, binatang apa yang dimulai dengan huruf “J”?

semua diam.

Tak lama sayup-sayup terdengar suara Mukidi dari luar kelas

Mukidi: “Jangan-jangan Gajah”

Saking kesalnya, Bu Guru menyuruh Mukidi pulang….

Guru: “Sekarang anak-anak, binatang apa yang diawali dengan huruf P ?”

Sekali lagi semua murid terdiam.

Tiba-tiba HP bu Guru berdering.

Guru: “Ya hallo…”

HP: “Maaf bu, saya Mukidi. Jawabannya: Pasti Gajah”


Suatu hari istri Mukidi akan melahirkan anak pertama mereka.

Mukidi pun buru-buru ke rumah sakit dan disuruh masuk untuk menyaksikan proses persalinan

Setelah persalinan selesai Mukidi pun mengecup kening istrinya sambil berkata:

Mukidi: Alhamdulillah… anak kita perempuan, makasih yaa, sayaang…

Istri: Iyaa, kang

Mukidi: Sakit yaa, sayang…?

Istri: Iyaa kang…sakiit banget!

Mukidi: Yaaank… aku sayaaang banget sama kamu… aku ga tega

Istri: Iyaa kang…!

Mukidi: Nanti kalau untuk anak kedua titip sama yang lain aja yaaa… jangan dari kamu lagi, aku ga tega, yaang.

Istri: …??????????…


Suatu malam, mbah Mukidi yang sudah berusia 85 tahun telpon ke dokter pribadinya.

“Dokter, ada yang aneh dengan toilet saya. Setiap malam waktu saya mau kencing, lampunya langsung nyala sendiri begitu saya buka pintunya.”

Sang dokter menjawab, “Mbah, Embah istirahat saja deh, nanti saya perbaiki.” Kata si dokter, mencoba menenangkan Mbah Mukidi.

Karena merasa ada yang aneh, kemudian si dokter menelpon keluarga si Embah, dan yang mengangkat putri bungsunya, Sheilla namanya.

“Halloo Dik Sheilla, tadi Mbahmu memberitahu bahwa lampu toiletnya langsung menyala saat pintunya dibuka, apa memang kamar mandi dipasang lampu otomatis ?”

Mendengar hal ini, Sheilla langsung berteriak,

“Mamah… Kakak … Mbok Ijah … Papah kencing di kulkas lagi tuhhh…”

Dokter: “Waduhhhh…”


Jam 8 pagi di kantor bioskop.

Kriiiiing! telepon di meja kantor bioskop XXl berbunyi.

Mukidi: “Halloow Mas…. saya mau nanya, bioskop buka jam berapa…. ?”

Penjaga: “Jam satu Mas.

Mukidi: “Bisa buka jam sembilan tidak mas?”

Penjaga: “Gak bisa. Biasa jam satu bukanya.”

Jam 11, telepon bunyi lagi.

Mukidi: “Hallow….. Jam berapa bukanya bioskop?”

Penjaga: “Kamu yang telepon tadi ya, Mas? Kan sudah dikasih tau.. bukanya jam 1”

Mukidi : “Jam 12 tidak bisa, Mas?”

Penjaga: “Tidak bisa! Emang bioskopnya Mbahmu apa!”

Mukidi: “Nawar sedikit saja, Mas. Enggak apa-apa sudah, setengah satu saja ya?”

Penjaga: [dongkol] “Sebenarnya kamu mau nonton film apa tho, kok telepon terus-terusan?”

Mukidi: [sambil menangis] “Saya ini sebenarnya di dalam bioskop, Mas. Tadi malam pas nonton pilem ketiduran. Tolong, Mas, bukakan pintunya. Saya pengin pulang.”


Ternyata Markonah, istri Mukidi, masih perawan. Dia pergi ke dokter kandungan untuk periksa.

Waktu dokter mau periksa bagian dalam, terjadi percakapan:

Markonah: “Hati-hati periksanya ya, dok, saya masih perawan lho…”

Dokter: “Lho… katanya ibu sudah kawin-cerai 3x, mana bisa masih perawan…?? ”

Markonah: “Gini lho Dok, eks suami saya yang pertama ternyata impoten……!!”

Dokter: “Oh begitu… tapi suami ibu yang kedua tidak impoten kan….?”

Markonah: “Betul Dok, cuma dia gay, jadi saya tidak pernah diapa-apain sama dia…”

Dokter: “Lalu suami ibu yang ketiga si Mukidi tidak impoten dan bukan gay kan….?”

Markonah: “Betul Dok, tapi ternyata dia itu orang partai…”

Dokter: “Lalu apa hubungannya dengan keperawanan ibu…??”

Markonah: “Dia? cuma janji-janji saja Dok, tidak pernah ada realisasinya….. Jadi cuma dicontreng aja, gak dicoblos……!!!


Jaya adalah tetangga Mukidi, tapi mereka tak pernah rukun. Mukidi merasa Jaya adalah saingannya.

Jika Jaya beli sepeda baru, Mukidi tidak mau kalah. Mukidi ya beli sepeda baru juga.

Ketika menjelang Lebaran, rumah Jaya dicat merah. Besoknya, Mukidi mengecat dengan warna merah juga.

Karena kini 17 Agustus-an, Jaya memasang spanduk di depan rumah bertulisan “INDONESIA TETAP JAYA”.

Hati Mukidi panas dan memasang spanduk juga dengan tulisan “INDONESIA TETAP MUKIDI”


Mukidi: “Enam belas Agustus tahun empat lima…”.

Juri: “Salah itu…, ulangi !”.

Mukidi: “Enam belas Agustus tahun empat lima…”.

Juri : “Salah…, kesempatan terakhir!”

Mukidi: “Saya ndak salah pak, sampean dengar saya nyanyi dulu”.

Akhirnya juri serius mendengarkan Mukidi bernyanyi.

Mukidi: “Enam belas Agustus tahun empat lima…, BESOKNYA hari Kemerdekaan kita…”


Dalam keadaan lapar, Mukidi masuk ke sebuah rumah makan. Ia memesan ayam goreng. Tak lama kemudian sebuah ayam goreng utuh tersaji. Baru saja Mukidi hendak memegangnya, seorang pelayan datang tergopoh-gopoh.

“Maaf Mas, kami salah menyajikan. Ayam goreng ini pesanan bapak pelanggan yang di sana,” kata pelayan sambil menunjuk seorang pria berbadan kekar dan berwajah preman.

Akan tetapi karena sudah terlanjur lapar, Mukidi ngotot bahwa ayam goreng itu adalah haknya.

Pria bertampang preman itu segera menghampiri meja Mukidi dan menggertaknya.

“AWAS kalau kamu berani menyentuh ayam itu…!!! Apa pun yang kamu lakukan kepada ayam goreng itu, akan aku lakukan kepadamu. Kamu potong kaki ayam itu, aku potong kakimu. Kamu putus lehernya, aku putus lehermu..!!!”

Mendengar ancaman seperti itu, Mukidi hanya tersenyum sinis sambil berkata, “Silakan! siapa takut?”

Lalu Mukidi segera mengangkat ayam goreng itu dan menjilat pantatnya.


MUKIDI yang asli Madura, sedang berlibur ke Jakarta.

Dia keliling Jakarta dengan naik metromini.

Dia mengamati segala yg terjadi di dalam metromini. Termasuk kernet dan penumpang bus tersebut.

Tak lama kemudian si kernet bilang: “Dirman.. Dirman.. Dirman..” (tanda bahwa bus sampai di Jalan Sudirman)

Lalu seorang penumpang laki-laki teriak: “kiri..!”

Dan turunlah penumpang tersebut..

Selang berapa lama kernet teriak: “Kartini.. Kartini.. Kartini..”

Seorang cewek muda nyeletuk: “kiri..!”, lalu cewek tsb pun turun..


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